The first thing to know is that vibrators complement what already brings you pleasure not compete with it.
They can enhance sex with a partner and allow you to share the pleasure with your partner and increase intimacy between you.
You might ask how can intimacy be increased by using a vibrating piece of silicone or plastic? Intimacy has been defined as a situation in which you have a close relationship with someone in which you do or say things that you would share with someone you are close to. The simple answer is shared pleasure and the building of connection when you observe that shared pleasure. Add in a little bit of fun, novelty, spice, and variety to your relationship and that little vibrator has its own magic.
Do you like sex research to back up nice words?
A 2010 study of 2,056 heterosexual, bi, and lesbian women aged 18-60 found that most vibrator users indicated comfort using them with a partner which is related to positive sexual function (1). Stimulation with a vibrator helps increase the blood flow to the genitals, which can increase the chance of orgasm for all types of bodies involved (2). This shared pleasure is what builds intimacy in your relationship.
Are you in a heterosexual relationship (cis-gendered) who’s sex life has a strong focus on the penis in vagina intercourse? As we now know most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone. A 2017 study found that only 18% of women could orgasm from sex that was purely penis in vagina intercourse, with 36% saying that they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm(3).
For some heterosexual men being able to bring their partner to orgasm is linked to gender roles centered around masculinity (4). This can sometimes cause tension in a relationship when say he doesn’t want to include toys but she needs it, arguments may follow and communication may shut down - sex may even be taken off the table.
However, in the case of heterosexual (cis-gendered couple) using a vibrator during sex may reduce some of the pressure some men can experience in bringing their partners to orgasm (5). Result being that the vibrator contributes to increasing the pleasure both partners experience. It is that shared pleasure that increases intimacy.
For any couple, bi, lesbian, heterosexual or any other label the communication comes before the vibrator or in working together to use the vibrator contributes significantly to increasing intimacy.
How do you introduce a vibrator to your partner and your bedroom?
I think it is also important to note that using a vibrator to explore your own personal pleasure can improve the connection you have with your own body and with your self. So this little piece of sex tech can also help improve your intimacy with yourself.
Don’t forget to purchase a quality lubricant along with your vibrator.
References
1. Herbenick, D., et al., Women’s vibrator use in sexual partnerships: results from a nationally representative survey in the United States, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, vol 36 (1), pp 49-65
2. Rullo, Jordan E., Genital vibration for sexual function and enhancement: a review of evidence, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 2019
3. Hebenick, D., et al, Pleasure, and orgasm: results from a US probability sample of women ages 18-94, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2018, vol 44 (2), pp 201-212. First published online July 2017
4. Van Anders, Sari M., Do women’s orgasms function as a masculinity achievement for men? The Journal of Sex Research, Vol 54, 2017
5. Watson, Erin D., The impact of a couple’s vibrator on men’s perceptions of their own and their partner’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction, Men and Masculinities, 2015
