Q: I don’t know what happened, but I feel like I have lost control over my sex drive? Spontaneous sex or spontaneous desire for sex – what is that? I really don’t know what went wrong but I would love some tips on how to get my sex drive back.
A: Great question and actually very common. I think sharing some of the myths about sex drive and desire might be helpful.
Myth #1 – Spontaneous sex.
There are two types of sex drives, spontaneous and responsive. Spontaneous sex drives equal feeling the mental desire for sex and seek out physical stimulation. While Responsive sex drives need to be physically stimulated to feel mental desire.
If you fall into the responsive sex drive, you could be thinking low sex drive or low desire. A common misunderstanding about what each sex drive needs to get going. If you have a Responsive sex drive, the truth is you are rarely if ever going to spontaneously want sex, it just not the way you work.
And that’s perfectly OK! There are plenty of ways to have a hot and active sex life with a Responsive sex drive type.
Myth #2 - Men have higher sex drives.
The silliest myth but seems to be everywhere. It can negatively impact relationships. Men with lower sex drives can feel less of a man and the partner can feel rejected both feel abnormal and neither of you wants to initiate sex. The reality is we are all unique, there are some men who want sex more often than their partners, and some women who want sex more than their partners.
Myth #3 – Sex drives are fixed.
A common misconception is that sex drive like your physical traits just is and not something you have control over. Truth is that you do have control over your sex drive, you can make changes and it is easier than you think.
Myth #4 – Horny is the reason people want sex.
This myth can make you feel like your partner only initiates sex because they are horny and want to get off. Ok so it is nice to experience pleasure and orgasm, but they are not the only reason we have sex. Sex can be an emotional experience for the majority of us, a physical expression of love, affection and attraction. For this reason, if you and your partner have different sex drives one or both of you miss feeling connected, playful, and intimate far more than having orgasms.
Myth #5 – A good sex life just happens.
This one is so very common and causes so much stress, it is so common for people to believe that sex should just happen “naturally.” Having to put in any sort of effort is seen as a sign that something is “broken” within you or your relationship. The truth is that great sex or sex drive does not just happen naturally it actually requires consistent effort.
Have you fallen into any of these myths?
Knowledge is power.
When you know these myths exist and what the truth is even from a brief article like this you can change your mindset. Working on improving your sex life doesn’t have to feel like a chore. Changing how you think about sex drives, learning more and working on building the sex life you want can be fun, fulfilling, and exhilarating!
We will cover more on this in coming articles, but until then you can learn more sex, communication and connection;
Disclaimer: The information contained in this document should be read as general in nature and is only to provide and overview of the subject matter. Please read product packaging carefully and follow all instructions. Seek advice specific to your situation from your medical professional or mental health professional. Safe - Sane - Consensual